Plus I signed up for school ; ) I'm so excited!! By this time next year I will be a certified holistic health coach!! YAY!
Anyhoo speaking of pooped and reason for this post......I had a COLONICS yesterday! Ahh I still can't believe I did it!! But before I fill you in let me explain what it is for those of you that don't know........
I copied this from another site.... (so when it says ' I ' it's not me!)
What To Expect During A Colonic Session?The following information is for education only and is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, or treat illness. It is valuable to seek the advice of an alternative health care professional before making any changes. The statements below have not been evaluated by the FDA (or your country’s equivalent). Any products mentioned are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
You’ve probably read it time and again… colon therapy is an essential part of cleansing and detox. Especially when switching to a completely raw vegan diet, it is suggested that a massive detox may occur, and cleaning the colon can help with the “healing crisis”. Still, a lot of people will not give this healing protocol a try.
I thought perhaps… if people were aware of what to expect during a colon cleanse, they may feel more at ease about including it in their healing process… so, I asked the colon therapist (who also has colonics regularly herself) that I go see, if she would answer that question. Here is her response: (note, a small portion of the article includes fact brought from another source, the rest is original thought)
Many people may think that a colonic is an invasive procedure that is painful. But for those that have had a colonic before are quite pleasantly surprised how comfortable the procedure can be.
After completing a health history form and consulting with the colon therapist, the client is asked to change into a gown or wrap in a towel and lie face up on a treatment table.
A massage of the abdominal area is performed before the colonic session to loosen up any stagnant waste and help the client to relax. Once the massage is completed after a few minutes, the client turns on their left side where the colon therapist inserts a disposable speculum into the anus which is about the size of an adult’s thumb.
Then the speculum is connected to two different tubing’s. One is where the filtered water gets connected and the other is larger clear tube that is connected to a drainage where the waste flows through. Warm, gravity filtered water is slowly released into the colon. The warm water soaks and breaks up the waste which causes the muscles of the colon to contract, called peristalsis. Peristalsis “pushes” feces out through the hose to be disposed in a closed waste system.
The gravity fed pressure helps the water to circulate throughout the whole 5-6 feet of the colon and it provides a pressure that is like a vacuum that pulls and draws the waste out. Gravity fed colonics are recommended since it is the safest and most effective method of cleansing. It works with the natural flow of one’s body, and decreases the chance of any complications.
Filtered water is always recommended. Since the colon already has a lot of bad bacteria, you don’t want to add anymore to the water. Plus you want the water to be as chemical free as possible, and always ensure that the chlorine is removed.
The best type of system is the closed system which ensures that all the waste will flow through a closed drainage which also means that the client and the colon therapist do not smell the feces, so this is also sanitary and more pleasant.
The therapist will usually vary the temperature of the water from warmer to slightly lukewarm which will help to contract the bowel muscles. It is important to note that the best thing a person can do during a colonic is relax as much as possible. Nerves are often running high and people feel anxious about the whole idea and process but that tension will just constrict the colon. It is only once people start to relax that the bowels will start to release waste. This is where breathing comes into play. Deep breathing relaxes the mind and the colon, plus breathing also helps if clients experience cramping or pressure.
The client typically feels a little discomfort in the abdomen during the therapy as waste and gas is being stirred up and drawn out. The colon therapist may apply light massage to the client’s abdominal area to facilitate the process. Cramping is a normal part of the process and once you start to break up stagnant toxic waste, the bowels will do its job to expel it.
Also, many clients will say the only thing that is uncomfortable about the colonic process is just feeling the urge to push or get to the toilet. It’s a “strange” sensation for lack of a better word, but it is one that you do get used to… keep in mind that you are eliminating waste while laying on a treatment table, rather than the conventional toilet, so it’s bound to be a bit strange at first.
Sometimes during a colonic one may experience ‘hot flashes’ or sweat, or even get goose bumps. This is because the circulatory system is being stimulated and the blood is purging waste.
A typical session will use 15-20 gallons of water and will last anywhere from 35 minutes to one hour. After the session, the therapist leaves the room, and the client may sit on a toilet to pass any residual water and stools.
May clients will feel lighter, energetic, cleaner and less bloated immediately after a colonic, and can resume back to their normal activities. Some may experience a headache or feel tired and this is because more toxins were stirred up. Years of build up does not get eliminated in just one session so to ensure a more through cleansing of the colon it is recommended to do at least 5-10 sessions.
Ok so that's what it is....so here is my story!
I decided to go Hippocrates Health Institute in Palm Beach. Not gonna get into trying to explain this place but I will say it's awesome, people come from all over the world to go to this place so I am so lucky that it is not far from me. Here is there website of you wanna check it out. They are known for their Life Changing Program and for being wheatgrass pioneers ; )
I wasn't down with just going anywhere to get a tube stuck up my ass and water get pumped in, this place is what I would consider experts in this kind of thing and they always have a doctor on staff. They are big believers in wheatgrass so they do wheatgrass implants during the colonics which no where else offers such a thing, so of course it's what I got, I mean if I'm gonna do it I'm gonna DO IT! LOL
So of course I woke up yesterday with the worst cramps ever and my period!! WTF only me! They recommended I get a Chi Nei Tsang before my coloics which is a deep organ massage so that's what I did. It was pretty awesome, basically a really nice abdominal massage so felt especially nice since I had cramps so bad.
A Chi Nei Tsang is a deep energetic massage from the healing tao society. This powerful hands on healing technique works with the five major systems of the body - vascular, lymphatic, nervous, muscular and energetic that are connected to the "Dan-Tien" abdominal center. Chi Nei Tsang removes organ obstructions and congestion in the abdomen. It clears blocked energy to release physical, mental and emotional resistance that can cause illness. The Chi Nei Tsang compliments the colon hydrotherapy (aka colonics) very well!
Ok so time for the colonics...I got a really cool black lady, not sure her ethnicity but she was awesome. We hit off right away LOL she of course loved my purse, my toenail polish, my hat, yada yada yada... towards the end she was like "I like you, you funny, you talking to me like I'm one of your old close friends!" Uh yea, you bet we're friends, a lot closer than I am with my other friends... if you get what I mean hahaha.
So this is what I walk into
The bed with weewee pad on it, I guess incase of any leakage LOL and the colonics equipment.
Then on the other side and behind the bed
The actual wheatgrass juicer! She really makes fresh wheatgrass right before it gets implanted in your ass! Ahahhahahahahaha
Ok so I strip down and lay on the bed, which has a heating pad underneath it to keep you nice and warm. She comes in and of course I'm like "Ahhh I'm scared", she laughs! I'm like "how big is this thing going in my ass?"...I thought it was suppose to be like a pinky finger and only goes in less than an inch, well she says "it's the size of a thumb and goes in about 2 inches"....WHAT! Oh geese I didn't like hearing that but she said relax, here open your mouth I'll give you some homeopathy drops to relax, I knew what it was and have had them before so I opened big. She said roll over and take really big deep breathes and try to relax....easier said than done but I did it. She hooked my ass up to the machine LOL It didn't hurt but I mean you do feel it, kinda makes you wanna shit right then.
The crazy part was once it was in she wanted me to turn back over to lay on my back, I was like huh I don't want sit on this thing in my ass but the way she placed me you don't. You end up being in the position you would be in if you were going into labor!
She gets out some aromatherapy oils, put some on my hand for me to smell and try and relax and rubbed a bunch on my belly and started to massage my stomach. My sphincter muscle (ahahahahaha aka butthole muscle) kept wanting to clamp up around this tube in my ass (obviously I'm not use to things in my ass!!!) so I told her and she was like no don't do that just relax! Ok so again easier said than done, I tried my best to relax and not tense up! After massaging my belly for a little she turns the knob on the machine to start the flow of water, she says if I feel any pressure or discomfort let her know, of course I started to feel a really bad gas bubble type pressure feeling, she says "ok well breath it out just breathe", well breathing didn't help and it got worse so she turned off the water flow, then massaged my belly some more. Then did it again and again the same thing. After about the 6th time I was starting to feel like something wasn't working, shouldn't I be seeing mad shit coming out in the tube....I asked her and she just said relax when it's ready it's ready! Basically the only thing I was getting rid of was gas, and gas that she was causing by blowing water in my ass! I was getting frustrated! So I told her that when she turns on the water flow and I get that cramp if I pushed a tiny but maybe I could release the gas and start the shit flow into the tube, if that makes sense LOL but she was like "Oh No honey don't push I don't want to get shit sprayed today and have to go home!" Uh OK then LOL So I laid there thinking how impossible this seemed but tried my best to just relax and let it flow BUT of course nothing! Time was up and it was time for my wheatgrass, she juiced quite a bit and hooked it up to the machine which them flowed into my ass. She pulled out the tube from my ass and said ok all done now you can go sit on the toilet and shit. And OMG did I! I literally pissed out of my ass for 3 minutes straight, then again then again. Thought I was done so I got dressed then UH had to go again!
So point of the story is I did all that and didn't get to see all the old stale shit that is cacked along my colon walls come out like planned! They say the first time doesn't do much and one should do a series, like 3-5 within a 2 month period to get the full benefits.
I didn't go thru all that for nothing so I am going back on Sunday to do it again!
I'm on a mission people!!!